Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
