Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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