that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
this just has baby written all over it
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
