Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
