it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
farters have to be the big spoon...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
