ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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