Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
