please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize