Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize