new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
