Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
