i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
