I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize