Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
