oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I should be sponsored by Trojan
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
