you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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