a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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