he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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