What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
