TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
babies were throwing up all over the place
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
