Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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