Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she looked like the before picture.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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