I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize