Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
