i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
