exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
