He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I want her autograph on my taint
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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