He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
