My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This is the high leading the old right now
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
