i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
