My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
