i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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