I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
