I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
