I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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