We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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