Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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