It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
