just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
