dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
