Where did you get a picture of my penis
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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