Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
