You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
