Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
