Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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