is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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