allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
