the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
