dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
