Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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