Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
