You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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