I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Randomize
