clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
