Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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