I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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