Barsexuality is the new black.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
