I'm eating all of the evidence.
4 words: hood of his car
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
