told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
