i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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