so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
