i don't plan on having that self control this summer
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
