ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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