They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
