My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
