The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
