I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
