After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
