Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
