We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
