Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
