So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
