It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
