i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
