I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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