Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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