Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
