Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
