I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
