I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
