new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
