I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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