those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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