Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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