Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I need water and some morals
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
