Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
