I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
