You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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