it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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