we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize