This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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