did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
