Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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