Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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