my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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