she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
