he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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