She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
