I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
